Someone New

We're moving a week today so after having a screaming discussion with Mother, I decided to finally launch into some packing, as opposed to working myself to death in an effort to avoid it.
So masochistically striding straight to my childhood bedroom, where the majority of my sentimental memories were stored - I flung open the cupboard door, only to be submerged under the avalanche of pain that was apparently stored there.
For those who have never been through a painful divorce - listen a minute.
When I was young, Mother would be screaming at him over the latest tart who called her and let her know what he had been up to, my sister (at the tender age of 13) would be out with her friends wantonly experimenting with sex, drugs and sausage rolls, and I would be tensed in the foetal position in that corner of my tiny little L-shaped box room - scraping my fingernails over every inch of me I could reach, tearing my hair out and sobbing in pure frustration.
Now Of Course - as time went on everything got much worse, much better, and much worse again until I learnt to deal with it like an adult.
However it turns out; some things drag you back faster than you could ever have anticipated.

So from my optimistic stance at the doors of the big cupboard - the one that held the boiler and the potential of carbon monoxide poisoning, with a gap that I used to be able to climb in and hide, and vents that I could see out of when someone came looking- I began to tear out everything that had been shoved in haphazardly when my sister had moved back home to have the baby, and subsequently taken my room.
Slowly, as I picked things and looked at them, someone familiar came to join me. She had a big round baby face (a-top a big round babyish body), a stupid fringe, and a real issue with social norms. Within minutes we were slumped sobbing against the drawers - staring into this cupboard which was as messy and unorganised as it ever was. Literally tearing in desperation to get out of this black hole that was the reality of a torn family, and ending up sitting at the bottom feeling more isolated and alone than humanly possible.